Navigating the to-do lists and events between mid-November and January second is a monumental task. As moms, many of us bear much of the burden of planning, shopping, buying tickets (for events and often for kids flying home), cooking, gift wrapping, RSVPing, relationship managing, and all the things don’t know about you, but there have been times when I get to January 2 worn out and emotionally spent, and I just want to crawl in the bed for a long winter’s nap. I don’t think this is how it is supposed to be. As I mature and gain wisdom from both my mistakes and victories as a mom, I am learning how to make this season one more of joy than angst and more fun than stress.
There are a few keys to making your holidays both magic and merry. It starts with the planning. Getting a clear picture of what your family members do and don’t want to do will go a long way in securing their participation in the events that bring closeness and great memories. Ask each family member what they are looking forward to for this year’s holidays, including people they want to see, events they love, and their favorite foods. Be sure to also ask them if there is anything they don’t enjoy or won’t want to participate in. Use these ideas (including yours and your partner’s) to frame the calendar with must-do events.
Your next step is setting boundaries. Too much of a good thing is exhausting and causes bickering and melt-downs, not just with toddlers, but with grown kids too. Give everyone the right to say “no” to something if it doesn’t work for them. This opens the door for their enthusiastic participation for other events. Take into account individual food preferences, introvert/extrovert needs, and sleep requirements. If grandkids are involved, confirm with their parents the best time of day for the activities they will enjoy. Good food and a good nap make everyone better able to smile for Santa.
One way to take the focus off gift giving is to plan service into your calendar. Pick a favorite charity to volunteer with or decide to shop for a needy family together. Even having a family grocery spree to then donate to a food bank can be a way to spur gratitude in your own family members and truly bless a family who needs it. A family dinner discussion about what needs each person sees in their community or what really pulls their heartstrings can bring the opportunity to give financially to projects which are meaningful to you and yours.
When giving gifts, think about experiences and time together. A membership to a local zoo, theater, museum, or garden is a wonderful way to encourage family time. For that family member who loves quality time, giving a gift certificate for the whole clan to do an escape room would be a blast. For the one who likes words of encouragement, a photo album filled with stories or a set of letters to read throughout the year would strike a chord. For the one who is always serving everyone else, how about a “honey do” day where everyone comes together to check off all his or her to-do list items? A cooking class for the whole family or a progressive dinner stopping at several restaurants are creative gifts which also bring the gift of time together.
As you plan and shop and cook, be sure to include others in the task lists. One suggestion is to take index cards and write out all the steps or tasks for one job. When someone asks “What can I do to help?” hand them a card. An example would be set the table, make a pitcher of water, cut the lemons, fill the glasses with ice. Then you don’t have to orchestrate every move and you can be confident things will get done.
Most of all, take care of you in the process. If Mama ain’t happy, no body is happy. Be sure to schedule time for your own self care. Regular exercise or walks, lunch with a friend, and even a massage or spa treatment in the midst of the crazy season are all ways to slow down and experience the joy we all long for. Prayer or meditation, a daily Advent devotion, or even Hallmark movies can be grounding and help you maintain a focus on what matters in this season. May it be your best one yet.
Ella Herlihy is mom to five thriving young adults and wife of 28 years to Steve. Over the last twenty-five years, she has accumulated a wealth of parent training, both from experts and from in the trenches experience. Her passion is to equip parents and grandparents to overcome the entitlement pandemic and empower their kids to develop an entrepreneurial mindset and become more responsible, grateful, and resourceful. She is currently writing a book to encourage parents to raise “UnEntitled” adults.